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Bro Code for Parents: What to Expect When You're Awesome
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About Bro Code For Parents: What To Expect When You're
Product Description The newest book in the New York Times bestselling “Barney Stinson” canon teaches prospective parents everything they need to know to have a legendary kid. So you’re going to be a parent. You might be asking yourself a series of important questions: Will I be a good parent? • Will I be able to afford this? • Can I ever have sex again? Well, the answer to all these questions is a rock-solid no. But just because your existence is now a petrifying turd on the canvas of life doesn’t mean your kid has to be as lame as you’re about to become. That’s why I’ve written this book—to teach you how to be an awesomommy or legendaddy. The Bro Code for Parents will help you: Choose a baby name that won’t get your kid stuffed into a junior high locker • Interview and hire a smokin’ hot nanny • Teach your child instant classics like “The Boobs on the Bus” and “Bro, Bro, Bro Your Boat” With full-color illustrations, interactive work sheets, and even suggestions for how to turn a stroller into a broller, The Bro Code for Parents gives you all the tools you’ll need to raise your child to be almost as awesome as I am. Almost. About the Author Barney Stinson is awesome. He works for a powerful bank in New York City but somehow finds time to “suit up” and help the less fortunate, in particular his lovelorn and all together pathetic bro Ted Mosby—seriously, that dude’s got probs. When Barney’s not staging private bikini calendar shoots, test-driving tanks, or elbow-deep in another legendary activity, like riding a tiger bareback or blowing up a guitar, he can be seen on the hit CBS show How I Met Your Mother with his friends Ted, Robin, Lily, and Marshall. Matt Kuhn is a staff writer for the CBS hit show How I Met Your Mother and also produces Barney’s Blog for the show’s website. He lives in Los Angeles, California, which is conveniently where he works. Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. WHY I WROTE THIS AWESOME BOOK You might be wondering why I, Barney “the Cooter King” Stinson, have written a book about pregnancy and parenthood when I’m not a father and have, in fact, spent the lion’s share of my adult life cunningly avoiding exactly this type of life-destroying affliction. The answer is simple: money, bitches! Just kidding. I also wrote it because when my good friends Marshall and Lily gave birth to their first child, I realized that without me he’d never learn important lifelong skills like “setting insects on fire” or “learning to go upskirt” or “strategic boner concealment.” And why do I want to help others? Because I care. I care about the countless young parents who senselessly sacrifice their lives only to raise kids who believe soccer is a legitimate sport. I care about the millions of children who are taught “sharing” and “listening” instead of real-world skills like “lying” and “using people to get what you want.” And most important, I care about America. That’s right, when people think of Barney Stinson, they immediately think of one thing: “giant multiorgasmic penis.” The next thing they think is “God-fearing patriot . . . who happens to have a giant multiorgasmic penis.” You see, I believe that the next generation of Americans can overcome the many shortcomings of their lame parents and one day be as awesome as I am. Then we will be not only the greatest nation on the planet, but also the best dressed.1 In short, I’m writing this book because the so-called parenting experts have been leading our children down the wrong path. And I’m not at all writing this book because my friends Marshall and Lily just had a baby and I’m terrified that I won’t be important to them anymore unless it seems like I know lots of cool stuff about babies . . . so I don’t see why you’re even suggesting that. 1 Note to foreign readers: Please don’t be offended by my patriotism. If there’s one thing we’ve all learned over the last decade it’s that everyone the world over loves America
