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About Git - R - Done
Product Description Git-R-Done is chock-full of fart jokes and straight talk about America. I sat down one day and said to myself, “Larry, you’ve done it all. You’ve got three gold records, a successful DVD, a hit TV show, a picture of Shania Twain givin’ ya the finger, and most important, the high score on Frogger. What more could you possibly do?” Then I started thinking about writing a book. I wanted mostly to write Git-R-Done for all those good Americans who just wanna laugh like I do. Come on inside and hear me make fun of Janet Reno, Rosie O’Donnell, and my fat sister, who caused a twelve-tray pileup in front of the caramel nut rolls at the country buffet. I’m gonna tell you why Dick Trickle is my hero, why we need to get back to good ol’ common sense, and why I prefer a picture of the Last Supper with NASCAR drivers as the disciples over just about anything. Lord, I apologize! The book will go down in history as one of America’s most important events since the breakup of Aldo Nova. Even my mom liked the book—here’s what she said: “There’s really not much I can say here except for I apologize to everyone ahead of time for the crap you are about to read.” Git-R-Done is just plain funny, I don’t care who ya are! Also available as an eBook. About the Author Larry the Cable Guy is one of America’s funniest—and most successful—stand-up comedians, appearing solo and as part of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. Larry’s debut CD, Lord, I Apologize (2001), was in the top 20 on the comedy charts for nearly two full years and has been RIAA-certified gold. In 2003, a Comedy Central airing of Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie was the highest-rated movie in the network’s history. A year later, Larry released Larry the Cable Guy: Git-R-Done on DVD, which sold more than a million and a half copies, and since then he’s become part of the highly rated television show Blue Collar TV. His latest CD, The Right to Bare Arms, is the only comedy album ever to debut at number one on the country charts, where it stayed for four weeks, and is also RIAA-certified gold. Git-R-Done is his first book. Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. Chapter 1 GIT-R-DONE!!! WELL, HERE WE GO. This is the first book I've written since 1975, when I was in the 7th grade and wrote Boogers Are Good Eatin'. Regardless of the title, that 27-page pamphlet earned me a C+ as well as several ass beatings from the class bully. When they approached me to do this, I thought there's no way I could possibly find the time. I have all these other projects. I have a CD to put out. I have my tour schedule. I have to get a lawyer in Florida to help me fight the Supreme Court so I can keep the air hose in my blowup doll. So little time. But after several days of . . . meditation . . . medication . . . masturbation! That's it! I not only decided to do it, I promised myself that this book would make Boogers Are Good Eatin' look like a seventh grader's pamphlet. Set the bar high, that's what I always say. I figure the thing most people want to know about me--other than how I keep my ass so muscular and hard--would be how I came by the name Larry the Cable Guy, and how I started doing social commentaries for radio stations across the country. Good questions, so let me get into this incredible story full of intrigue and dick jokes. (I'm glad no one is askin' about that time I was sodomized by Dick Van Patten.) Since I don't want to waste your time with that boring "good old days" crap, I'll give ya a brief summary of how I came about in this world. My dad was a preacher; my mom ran the Tilt-a-Whirl at the fair. Somehow they met, had some teeth fixed, and got married. I was born in 1963, as a C-section baby. I was born in section C of a Waylon Jennings concert! My dad thought they had good seats until my mom's water broke. They were great parents and the only blemish was when my dad beat me after reading my 7th-grade pamphlet Boogers Are Good Eatin'. I started doin' stand-up c
